Bah Humbug!
by Sailorstar165
Summary: It's Christmas Eve, and there are MAJOR problems on Destiny Islands. Sora thinks that the worlds would be better off without him and Riku hates Christmas! See how they deal with their Problems!
1. Better Off Without Me

**Chapter 1: Better Off Without Me**

Let's pick on Sora and Riku with a Christmas Special, shall we? Oh, I'm doing the caption thing, since that is SO much easier to give notes through.

* * *

Sora sighed as he stared out the window at the light snow falling. It only snowed for a month on Destiny Islands, and was never enough to do anything fun with, like snowmen or snowball fights. All it did was frost the ground and freeze the ocean a foot in.

He stood and stretched. Everyone was coming over for a Christmas party—everyone, as in Riku, Kairi, Donald, Goofy, and King Mickey. They were going to go to the beach and party like there was no tomorrow. Best of all, Sora had gotten Kairi the best present in the world!

With a grin, he placed the small, wrapped package in his pocket and ran out the door.

"Sora! You made it!" Kairi cried, hugging Sora.

"Of course I made it! Donald and Goofy here yet?" Sora inquired.

Just then, Donald and Goofy jumped on Sora's back, making him fall face-first in the thin layer of snow. "Howdy!" Goofy shouted as Donald yelled, "How ya been?"

"Couldn't be better." Sora grinned broadly. "Hey, where's Riku?"

Kairi crossed her arms. "You know Riku doesn't like Christmas too much. He said he'd show up, but I'm not so sure."

Mickey adjusted his Santa hat. "Aw, come on! He'll show."

"Yeah!" Sora said with a laugh. "If he doesn't, I'll just"—he drew his Keyblade**1**—"beat him up with my might Christmas-shaped Keyblade!" He swung it wildly to prove his point, knocking the punch bowl into the air.

As bad luck**2** would have it,the punch soaked Kairi. "Sora!" she screeched. Tears were in her eyes as she spun around and ran off a sticky mess.

"Whoops..." Sora whispered. He ran after Kairi, easily following her footprints in the snow. "Kairi! I'm sorry! I—" He stopped as Kairi finally stopped and spun around.

"Thanks a lot, Sora," she said between tears. "You just go back to your friends. I'll—" She stopped. This time Sora ran off. "Sora!" she called after him. "Nice one, Kairi. Get him upset."

Meanwhile, Sora was reviewing a mental list of all the things he'd messed up throughout the years. He'd 'accidentally' pushed Riku off the cliff into the water, getting his best friend in trouble when Sora was six. It was sort of his fault for Riku becoming evil. He'd crashed the Gummi with Donald and Goofy. He'd broken a lot of things, and now he'd just smashed Kairi's heart with his stupid actions.

Trying his best not to cry, he touched the pictures of himself and Kairi in the stone. "Maybe I shouldn't have been born," he whined.

"That could be arranged," said someone in the shadows.

"Who's there?!" Sora shouted, spinning around to face whoever it was.

A tall, dark, and handsome man stepped from his hiding place. "I am Mikazuki, your Guardian Angel."

"My whatsa-whoee?" Sora tilted his head in confusion. "Look, just leave me alone to mope, all right?"

Mikazuki rolled his crimson eyes and brushed back his ebony hair with a tanned hand.**3** "Well, I'm your Guardian Angel. I can't leave, whether you like it or not."

"You don't look like a Guardian Angel..."

Mikazuki glared at Sora. "You don't look like some great hero that saved the world and got the girl in the end," he sneered. "We can't all be perfect, you know. So do you want my help or not?"

"What help?" Sora asked.

Rolling his eyes, he explained, "I can make it so that you were never born and you can see what it would be like if you didn't exist, moron."

"You can do that?"

"**_WHAT PART OF GUARDIAN ANGEL THAT CAN MAKE YOU NOT EXIST DIDN'T YOU UNDERSTAND?!_**"

"All right, all right, sheesh. Show me then, Mr. Great and Powerful Guardian Angel."

"Gladly," he said darkly, snapping his fingers.

Nothing happened.

"I'm glad I didn't pay for that show," Sora commented.

Annoyed, Mikazuki grabbed Sora's shoulders and spun him around to face where the carvings of his and Kairi's heads were. Now, there was nothing. "You weren't there to carve Kairi's face or for her to model a carved face after. Therefore, not there, get it?"

Sora blinked, confused. "Okay, that works. Let's see what happened to everyone then!"

Mikazuki nodded and shoved Sora none too gently from the Secret Place.

* * *

At the same time outside of Mikazuki's magical world, Riku was grumbling as he flicked through the channels. Christmas Special after Christmas Special flashed across the screen. It was Christmas Eve, after all. "Bah, Humbug," Riku quoted, turning off the Christmas Special on the last channel he received, which was ironically A Christmas Carol.**4**

Suddenly, the lights started flickering, and a rattling sound filled the room. Randomly, Demyx appeared before Riku, right in front of the TV. "Hiya!" Demyx shouted, waving.

"Out of the way. I'm watching something."

Demyx stared at the black screen. "The TV's off."

"It's the best thing on."**5**

Demyx gave Riku the _Is-There-Something-Seriously-Wrong-With-You?_ look he commonly received from most of the other Organization members, then shook his head. He retrieved a note card from his pocket and read carefully. "Hello, insert-name-here! Introduction. I am here to warn you of the three spirits that will visit you in the next..." he checked his watch, "two hours."

"You're reading the card word-for-word?" Riku inquired dully. "What're you doing here exactly?"

"Me and a couple other Organization members needed some extra cash, since Xemnas isn't paying us anymore, and were hired by some unknown person known only as 'The Writer' to do this job.**6**

"Anyway," he finished, "the ghosts are coming in the next hour."

Sighing, Riku pointed out that the time was going down.

"We're busy! There are millions of people out there with less Christmas Spirit than you, and we have to get them all in one night!" Demyx groaned. "I'm already behind schedule! The other three ghosts are coming to bother you in the next half hour."

"That's not very long."

"We're ghosts; we can make it as long as we want. Later 'gater!" He vanished into a dark portal.

The only thought going through Riku's mind at that moment was, _'What was that just now...?'

* * *

_

**1. **It's the Candy Cane one from Halloween Town in KH2. I don't remember what it's called though. (anime sweatdrop)

**2. **Or a certain fanfiction writer. (evil grin)

**3. **Think HOT AND SMEXY!!!!! Not as smexy as Riku, but still smexy.

**4. **XD Weird, right?

**5. **I do say that when nothing's on.

**6. **I'm not referring to myself! Honest! (sniggers)

Anywho, that's the first chapter of my late Christmas Special! It'll probably still go on into January, knowing my timing and bad luck with updating. As Demyx would say, Later Gaters!


	2. First Problems

**Chapter 2: First Problems**

Howdy everyone. Back with a Christmas Eve update. Like I said, I probably won't finish right away. I hope I'll get it done before 4th of July...

Happy Holidays everyone!

* * *

"The islands don't look any different..." Sora commented as they left the Secret Place. The sky was still clouded with a gentle snow falling, the beach was frosted over. Nothing had changed. 

Mikazuki**1** rolled his eyes. "Let's visit someone, then. Who comes to mind?"

Sora thought hard, and then said, "Kairi. What happened to her?"

Mikazuki grinned darkly and snapped his fingers. They were warped to a dark room.

Blankly, Sora turned to Mikazuki. "Where's Kairi?"

Shaking his head, Sora's guardian angel pointed to a dark shadow. Within its cold embrace sat Kairi, sobbing and eating chocolate. She was obese and had all the beauty of a toad with a terrible rash. In fact, the toad with a rash would probably get a date before the blob that Kairi had become.

"What happened?!" Sora cried in shock.

"She had no one to impress, so she let herself go. Kairi here is the reason why there's no Pockey left in the universe.**2** Kind of tragic, actually..."

Sora gasped. "Has anything else become rare or extinct without me?"

Wickedly, Mikazuki responded with an insult. "Well, actually, there's more hair gel on Destiny Islands since you aren't buying it all."

Sora gave him a cold glare, to which Mikazuki laughed even harder at. "That look's priceless!" His eyes were watering, he was laughing so hard.

Wanting to change the subject from his spiky hair back to Kairi, Sora asked, "Couldn't she have just gone after Riku?"

"You see, that's the problem..." Mikazuki snapped his fingers once again.

This time, they were in a huge mansion with white walls and gorgeous statues and painting.

"What does this have to do with Riku?" Sora inquired, inspecting the corridors they passed.

"You see, this is where Riku lives. Without you around, there was no competition for the Keyblade, and no one for Riku to be jealous of, therefore he never joined the Heartless. He defeated the Heartless a lot faster than you, too, because he went straight to Hallow Bastion and pounded them."

Sora spun around to face Mikazuki. "He did what? It was **_THAT_** easy?"

Mikazuki nodded. "Ah look, there's Riku."

Riku was sitting in a comfy-looking armchair, reading a book. A door opened, and a girl in a maid uniform came in with a can of soda on a platter. "Will there be anything else for you?" she asked in a strong British accent as Riku took a sip.

"Send out the guard dogs to chase the caroling fangirls away again," he replied simply.

"Yes, sir." The maid bowed herself out.

Sora watched the maid leave. "He still doesn't like Christmas?" He grinned. "Good, that wasn't my fault!"

Raising an eyebrow, Mikazuki said, "And a maid... Man, I wish I were him. I could get used to being pampered like that..."

"Let's check out Donald and Goofy next! I bet their miserable without me," Sora said with a grin.

Mikazuki crossed his arms. "Fine," he grumbled. "I was only hoping to be home in the next hour."

With that, they were on their way to Disney Castle.

* * *

Meanwhile, Riku was sitting in his not-so-fancy living room drinking a can of soda that wasn't brought by a maid. 

Without warning, the lights started flickering. Once they'd all gone out, Larxene appeared. "I am the Ghost of Christmas Past!" she said with a sweet grin.**3**

"Oh joy, another member of the freak brigade. Look, I'm not going to believe in the 'Spirit of Christmas' or whatever it is. Just go away."

Larxene glared daggers. "Who did you call a freak?" she asked, sparks literally flying.

Nervously, Riku stood and backed away. "Heh, not you, of course..." he said, trying to feign a smile.

"Good," she said, her sweet grin returning. "Let's see, Christmas past... Hmm..." She snapped her fingers and the room melted into darkness. "Happy Christmas, Happy Christmas..."

"I don't have any happy Christmases," Riku said dully.

"Everyone does! I just have to find it!" The darkness flickered to life with different scenes. "Eenie, Meanie, Minie, Moe!" She pointed to one, and the scene shifted to it.

Snow was falling, and a young Riku was sitting in the kitchen, kicking his legs because his legs didn't touch the floor,**4** talking on a cordless phone.

"What do you mean you can't be home for Christmas, Dad?" he asked. There was a pause. "I don't want to open presents and spend Christmas at Sora's! I want you here!" Apparently, Riku didn't like the answer, for he through the phone back on the recharger and started crying.

Riku gave Larxene a smug look.

"Ooo! I hate Zexion for getting a cold and making me replace him for the day!" She clapped her hands and another scene unfolded.

It was Christmas Eve once again, and Riku was walking around outside. He was a little older, but not much. "Scruffy! Scruffy! Where are you?" he called.

For a second time, Riku gave Larxene a smug look. "Told you, no happy Christmases. I lots my puppy Scruffy three years ago on Christmas Eve."

Larxene gave him a dark look. "I'LL FIND A HAPPY MEMORY IF IT KILLS ME!!!!!" She snapped.

This time, it was a girl talking to Riku on Christmas Day. "Sorry, Riku, but I won't go out with you. I... don't feel that way..." She quickly turned and ran off.

"Oh yeah! Paddy!" Riku said, slapping his forehead. "What did I ever see in her? She's creepier than you"—he quickly corrected himself at Larxene's sparking—"I mean Maleficent."

The next memory they visited was of Riku sitting in a hospital. He was young again, and talking animatedly to a young, silver-haired woman lying in the bed. "I can't wait til you get better, Mommy! Then we can go swimming again!" The child Riku grinned.

The memory brought tears to the current Riku's eyes. "Let's just leave. This is the last Christmas my mom was alive."**5**

Larxene, meanwhile, was sobbing uncontrollably. "That's so sad!" she sniffed. "I thought things like this only happened in soap operas and badly written fanfiction!"**6**

Riku rolled his eyes and grabbed Larxene's shoulder. "COME ON, LET'S GO!"

Larxene flinched. "All right, all right. Sheesh!" She clapped her hands together and they appeared in the kitchen from the first memory. A toddler Riku was sitting in a high chair. His mother was walking around the kitchen while whistling a Christmas song energetically.

Riku's mother placed handed a brown cookie with frosting and sprinkles to the toddler Riku. "Merry Christmas!" she said lightly.

"Ha!" Larxene said triumphantly. "Your first Christmas Cookie! A happy Christmas memory!"

Riku rolled his eyes. "Fine. You win. Happy?"

Larxene nodded and looked at her watch. "Oh, look at the time! I better be moving on!" She clapped her hands.

A lightning bolt flashed, blinding Riku momentarily. He was back in his living room, and Larxene was nowhere to be found.

* * *

**1. **Mikazuki is Japanese for Crescent Moon. 

**2. **If you've never had Pockey, it's a chocolate covered biscuit stick that's delicious and like potato chips; you can't have just one.

**3. **OOCness. Gomen.

**4. **Short Riku. Lol

**5. **I took it from my other fanfic **Light in the Darkness**

**6. **Couldn't resist.

Yay! Chapter 2 done! Happy Holidays everyone! (Happy 15th Birthday to me on Dec. 21!)


	3. They're Back!

Chapter 3: They're Back 

Hello everyone! I've actually updated. Not too far off schedule, actually... I'm hoping to finish this before July at the very least. Who wouldn't want Christmas stories all year, though? (laughs)

Now, as to why I haven't updated, here's my list of lame excuses I've prepared, since you'll dub any excuse I give as lame:

1. Drama Club has taken over my life (Senior Show was fun, even if I was home less than two hours the week before the play. XD)

2. School has absorbed what little life I have left

3. I needed to finish an AMV for a friend

4. I got Final Fantasy XII (SO worth it!)

5. Got Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess (One of the best LoZ in my oppinion)

6. Christmas

7. New Years

8. LOTS of homework

9. Dance

10. Anime Con (Well, most of you probably wouldn't count hanging around a bunch of other KH fans in costume as a lame excuse, but... ah whatever)

11. Found bunches of good music

12. Desperately trying to find Real Emotion International Version (which I finally found with help.)

13. Other things

So that's been my life the past couple weeks. Pretty lame excuses most of them, I'm sure. Anywho, here's the chapter.

* * *

Sora glanced around the huge palace known as Disney Castle, but something was different. Instead of shrubs being shaped like different Disney characters, they were all of Donald or Goofy. Confused, he turned to Mikazuki.

Mikazuki shrugged and led Sora inside. "I don't know what's going on, but it's probably chaotic!" he started laughing maniacally.

Sora gave Mikazuki a strange look. "You wouldn't happen to know Xemnas, would you? Or Saïx?"

Mikazuki paused and thought. "We were in the same High School Drama Club. Why do you ask?"**1**

Before he could inch away from the guardian angel he now saw as nuts, Sora noticed a certain Disney Duck walking by wearing golden robes and—shocker—PANTS!!!!!!**2** He pointed. "It's my fault Donald never wore pants...?"

Mikazuki was laughing even harder and pointing at Goofy, who was wearing a business suit.

Goofy went up to Donald and bowed. "Good evening, Your Majesty," he said in a strong British accent. "How is everything in your kingdom?"

"Wonderful, Mr. Goofy," replied Donald. "How is your multi-million interplanetary Gummi Ship corporation going?"

Sora glanced unbelievingly from his former friends as if they were now strangers. "How is it **_MY_** fault that Donald wasn't king, didn't wear pants, Goofy talked funny, and didn't own a multi-million corporation?!"

Mikazuki shrugged once again. "I dunno, but maybe they had more time for other things since they weren't babysitting **_YOU_**!" He started sniggering again.

Glaring coldly at the supposed guardian, Sora declared that he wanted to leave and check out Hallow Bastion.

"Fine with me," Mikazuki said, regaining his composure slightly.

They teleported to Hallow Bastion.

* * *

Riku was prepared this time. He had his Way To Dawn Keyblade drawn and at the ready to strike the next Organization meat-head to show up in his living room. He was chuckling darkly.

Something in a black coat surrounded by rose petals tackled Riku and knocked him to the ground in a hearty glomp. "RIKU!!!!!!"**3**

All Riku could manage to do was to stare at his groupie. The girl had short brown hair and bright blue eyes. There was a problem with this, though Riku couldn't quite put his finger on it. Then he realized. "Wait, when did another **_GIRL_** join the Organization? I thought Larxene was the only one."

The girl stared at him, confused a minute, and then glanced down at his clothes. "I didn't wear Larxene's clothes again, did I?" When she'd made sure, she gave Riku a funny look. "What are you talking about? I don't look **_THAT_** girly, do I?"

That's when it clicked. This person who'd tackled him was a **_HE_**, not a **_SHE_**. Riku started gagging as the Organization member continued the introduction.

"I'm Marluxia, sometimes called Marly. I'm the ghost of Christmas Present!" he said with a grin. "Now, let's get the lead out and go. Shall we?" Marluxia offered his hand.

Riku took one look at the gloved hand and said, "No thanks, I'll walk."**4**

Either Marluxia ignored the comment or didn't hear it all together. He drew his girly flower scythe with a rose wrapped around the pole**5** and took Riku's arm. The two vanished into thin air.

With a loud **_POP_**, the two reappeared on the beach. A chilly breeze blew and made Riku shiver, despite the warming sunlight. Marluxia noticed Sora and Kairi dancing to some pop song the DJ was playing and cracked his knuckles.

"That's the punk who beat me!" he shouted as he went to attack the Keyblade Master. He stopped himself and took a deep, steadying breath. "No, I don't want to end up in that place with the men in white coats again," he said. "Calm down, calm down, find your Happy Place." He sighed. "Under control.**6**

"Anywho," Marluxia continued, back to a happy-go-lucky moron, "doesn't this Christmas look fun? Now, where are you in this party?" He surveyed the area.  
"Not here," Riku said calmly. "I'm getting dragged to my Aunt Paddie's this year for Christmas and have to miss out on the fun of tricking Sora and Kairi under the mistletoe or into sharing a Paopu Fruit."

Marluxia started cracking up. "Nice! You should do that!"

Riku shrugged. "I was thinking of coming to their little get-together anyway. His Majesty's supposed to be here and..." he trailed off as he saw Mickey. "All right! He actually came!"

Marluxia smiled. "Well, my job's done!" He banged the bottom of his scythe on the ground.

In a flash of light, Riku was back in his living room. Marluxia reappeared next to him.

"Now, for my payment!" Marluxia said with a grin. Our favorite Kingdom Hearts character to make fun of ran over to the kitchen and pigged out on all the random junk food Riku had out on the table, from Rice Krispie Squares to Liters of soda. He then grinned and vanished.

"You sleaze!" Riku shouted at the place Marluxia had just been. "That was for Sora and Kairi's party!"

A note dropped out of nowhere onto Riku's head. Riku read it slowly. "So long and thanks for all the food."**7** He shook his fist at the sky. "I HATE YOU, YOU STUPID FLOWER GIRL!!!!!!!!!"**8

* * *

1. Believe me, a lot of people in my Drama act a lot like that. Laughing the same as other Drama members, that is. That's how we know we're in Drama Club. XD**

**2. **Dumb joke, I know... (sigh) I'm a loser.

**3. **Guess who!

**4. **No, I have no idea where that came from.

**5. **There was a Marluxia at the con who wound a rose around her scythe. The scythe looked amazing. If you are reading this, Marluxia, it's that Naminé with the Mickey plushie in the Organization Coat! HI!!!!! (lol)

**6. **XD (dies laughing)

**7. **Stolen from "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy," where the original line was "So long, and thanks for all the fish."

**8. **Riku is REALLY bad with insults, is he not?

Yeah, a bit of a lame update. Gomen Nassai! It took me forever to write! I was really busy.

Anywho, don't worry about reviewing this fic! I'm not gonna ask, since my friend KuroKagome sent me Ze List of all the things you could do in the time it takes to review a fanfic!

Here is Ze List:

Cook a pack of Ramen  
Drown (Not recommended)  
Draw a quick sketch  
Listen to a song, possibly two  
Laugh really well  
Eat a cookie  
Sweat the petty things (Not recommended)  
Pet the sweaty things (Not recommended)  
Save a life (Recommended )  
Get a glass of milk  
Finish reading a climatic ending to a good story  
Run up and down the stairs few times  
Dream  
Scream  
Sleep  
Make a sandwich  
Use a dictionary  
Have a staring contest (Highly recommended)  
Have a squirt gun fight  
Walk  
Breathe several times (Recommended)  
Pet an animal  
Dance  
Eat a sandwich  
Lose something  
Admit you love someone  
Plan on never telling the someone that you love that you love them (Wheee! Say that ten times fast)  
Get in/avoid a car crash  
Chug a can of coca-cola  
Throw up twelve times (Not recommended)  
Did I mention Sandwiches?  
Hug someone you love.  
Hang up your cell phone and drive  
Avert disaster (Recommended)  
Reconcile  
Take a drunk's keys (Recommended)  
Learn a jig  
Watch a short flash movie  
Call a friend/family member for no reason at all  
Find a better story  
Freak out  
Learn to swear in a foreign language (:-D :-D :-D :-D)  
Clean out your ears  
Take a quick shower  
Enjoy life  
Read this list  
And so many other things


	4. Oh No, Not Again

**Chapter 4: Oh No, Not Again...**

Hiya peoples! I'm just gonna shut up today and let you read the chapter for once!

* * *

Sora glanced around the large city known as Hallow Bastion, except, something wasn't quite right. Everything was bright, with birds singing and flowers growing everywhere. He then saw a sign that said "Rikuville." "What is that doing there?!"

"Well, Mikazuki replied, "Riku became so popular after saving the world that he cashed in on his fame. That's why he's living in that big house with the maid. Now, every world has a _Rikuville_ or something to that effect."

Sora glared his adorable glare**1** and ran over to the perfectly renovated castle. There he saw Ansem the Wise—the _**REAL **_Ansem that was supposed to be dead—sitting at his desk, scribbling away. "You mean it's my fault he died?"

Mikazuki shrugged. "There was no Nobody of yours for Riku to fight, since he beat the Heartless so quickly and you don't exist. Then, he wasn't dumb enough to fall into Marluxia's trap with Naminé and went straight to the World that Never Was long before Xemnas gained any real power and beat him. Stinks for you."

Sora ruffled his hair in irritation. He ran off to find Cloud, who was laughing with Tifa and Aerith in the garden. Sephiroth was sitting next to them, with Aerith putting a flower crown on his head, and—_**GASP**_—he was smiling!

"How's that my fault?!"

"How should I know?" Mikazuki asked.

"Next!" Sora shouted, running to find Yuffie.

Our favorite klepto ninja was having fun with a bunch of little kids, putting on a puppet show. That was normal enough. What _**WASN'T**_ normal was the fact that Squall was dressed up as a clown and handing out balloons, without the scar on his face. Naminé was also there dressed as the Ring master.**2**

"Yeah, since there wasn't much destruction to the castle, they decided to entertain kids with a miniature circus. They make quite a bit of Munny for it, actually," explained Mikazuki with a grin. "Cloud and the others are in on it too, but it's Yuffie, Naminé, and Squall's turn today."

"I give up," Sora said, tears in his eyes. "Take me back home—I'm sick of this."

"You got it!" Mikazuki snapped his fingers and they reappeared in Destiny Islands' secret place. "So, is it a yes or no that you don't want to exist?"

Sora wiped away the tears in his eyes, only to have them replaced with more that rolled down his cheeks. "So only Kairi will be worse off without me? I guess then, I shouldn't—"

There was a bright light, and a small fairy with white bird wings appeared. "Hiya, Sora!" she said in a bright voice. "I'm your Guardian Angel, Yosei! Pleased ta meetcha, su!"**3** She blinked. "Hold on a second, what're you doing here, Mikazuki?"

"Er, I showed him what life would be like without him?" he said, guiltily making patterns in the dirt with his foot.

"Didja show him Kairi, the fat hippo?"

"Yes."

"Riku saving the galaxy much faster?"

"I might have embellished it a bit with the mansion, maid, and renaming Hallow Bastion Rikuville."

"Wait a minute!" Sora butted in. "You mean it really _**WAS**_ that easy?"

"Yes it was," Yosei replied, turning back to Mikazuki. "What about the circus?"

"Showed that. Well, I did put Squall in a clown suit without the scar."

"Ha! So that wasn't my fault!" Sora sneered.

"You shut up," Mikazuki snapped.

Yosei crossed her little arms and thought for a moment. She then held out her hand. "Hand over the report."

Mikazuki snapped his fingers, making a glowing scroll appear. Yosei glanced over it quickly. "Donald and Goofy would be the same as always without Sora, except Goofy would be stupider and Donald would be meaner."**4** She continued looking it over. "Yep, everything else looks in order!" The scrolls rolled up and vanished in a puff of smoke. "The Writer's gonna be mad at you."**5**

"Actually, she's the one who told me to do this, along with the Organization to go bug Riku," Mikazuki replied. "She promised me a super-powered Wing-Master 5000."

Yosei practically tore out her silver hair. "All right already! Let's blow this Popsicle stand!" In to bright flashes, Yosei and Mikazuki were gone.

Sora stared at where they'd been and said, "What was _**THAT**_ about?" He then put a hand in his pocket and realized that his present was gone! He scrambled about the cave, trying to find the precious package he was going to give Kairi. It wasn't anywhere.

The light from the cavern's opening was blocked, and Kairi came down, still soaked through and sticky with punch. "I thought you'd come here," she said with a laugh. "We were worried when you ran off like that. Come on."

Sora didn't move. "Kairi, I lost your present," he whispered, almost choking on the words. "I worked so hard to get it for you, and..."

Kairi smiled. "You didn't lose it." She held up the small box. "You dropped it when you ran off and I picked it up. Let's head back. I wanna be able to open it with everyone to see what you got me."

Blushing furiously, Sora cried, "No! Not with everyone—" but Kairi was already gone. He hung his head and followed after her.

* * *

Meanwhile, Riku was scrambling around the kitchen to make more Rice Krispie treats and find what he did with the back up soda. A black portal appeared, and Axel stepped into the kitchen.

"Riku, I am the Ghost of Christmas Future, got it memorized?" he said ominously with flames behind him for effect. He was pushed to the side as Riku hastily finished up the treats. "Hey! I'm talking to you! I'm supposed to take you to the future!"

"Yeah, no time. Sorry!" Riku called. "Late to the Christmas Party!"

Axel sighed. "Fine, then I won't take to the future, but I will tell you this: someone you haven't seen in years will reappear tonight." Riku ran past again, this time to the door. "Are you listening to me?!"

"Yeah, sure. Someone will show up, gotcha!" He ran out the door.

Axel rolled his eyes and counted down from five. Riku ran back in. "Forgot your scarf?" he inquired, holding it out for him.

"No, I just forgot my scarf." Riku took it from Axel and ran out again.**6**

Axel laughed and said, "Yes to the ability to see the future!" He then vanished into his dark portal. The next job for the night was to hit Sephiroth for not believing in Christmas. _'Muahahahahaha,'_ Axel thought darkly.

* * *

**1. **You know the one I'm talking about. That one in KH1, when Riku says "Lighten up, it's just a name" when referring to the raft and Sora gets that pout-glare! 

**2. **I could see her dressed as it too. XD If anyone can draw that scene with everyone like that, I'd gladly give them a cameo in the next chapter!

3. Reference to Pita-Ten right there with the su.

**4. **Sora did make Donald less mean and Goofy a bit more coherent half the time.

**5. **I'm not referring to myself! XD Okay, so I am.

**6. **There was a Power Puff Girl episode where the lines were "Forgot the babysitter?" "No, I just forgot the babysitter."

That's it folks! One more chapter! Woot! See ya then!


	5. Yay! It's Over!

**Chapter 5: Yay! It's Over!**

There was a message in the last chapter about how I'd give a person a cameo for sending me a fan art of the circus. Not sure if anyone actually read it, but hey, whatever. The offer still stands, even if it isn't for this fic. I'll find a way, somehow! XD

Anywho, enjoy the final installment of _Bah Humbug!

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_

Sora chased Kairi all the way back to the little party on the beach. Donald and Goofy jumped up and ran over to them. "What took you guys so long? Snarfing Paupu for five minutes?"

Kairi turned bright red and said, "Who told you about the Paupu fruits?"

"That would be me," Riku said, jumping from his perch on the Paupu Tree. Nothing was growing on the branches in the cold whether except a few frozen leaves that would fall off when they thawed. "So, what were you guys doing?"

"It was so weird!" Sora said suddenly. "There was this wacko who said he was my guardian angel, and then..." Sora proceeded to tell the story of everything that happened. "...and then this other little fairy girl showed up and said that Mikazuki made most of it all up!"

Mickey laughed. "Well, that's a good thing, right? After all, Donald ruling Disney Castle is a scary thought."

"Your Majesty!" Donald said, taken aback. Everyone knew he'd pay three million Munny to be king if he could.

Riku smiled. "That's almost as weird as what happened to me. Demyx, Larxene, Marluxia, and Axel from Organization XIII showed up and said they were the Spirits of Christmas, like from _A Christmas Carol_. I was late because Marluxia ate all the snacks I was supposed to bring and I had to make more."

Sora had to laugh. That _**WAS**_ strange.

"Now, to open my present from Sora!" Kairi said with a smile. She pulled the small string tying the box shut and opened it. Inside was a star-shaped locket. She gasped, and Sora, in an attempt to act romantic despite his clumsiness, tried to help her put it on. In the end, Kairi was the one who had to put it on herself. She opened it and read, "Paupu should last forever like my love... Aw, how sweet." She pointed to one of the words. "Except, forever is spelled with one v, not two."

Sora stared at the locket. "I SHOULD NEVER HAVE TRUSTED WAKKA WITH THE SPELLING!!!!!!"**1**

Riku chuckled and heard a whine behind him. He turned and saw a dog. "Scruffy?"

The dog started wagging its tail and barked happily. He jumped on Riku and started slurping him. "It is you, Scruffy! Axel was right for once!" He hugged the dog happily.

Jingle bells were heard in the distance, as was Santa yelling, "Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a Good night!"**2

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**

Meanwhile, in the clouds above Destiny Islands were the "Spirits of Christmas," Mikazuki, and Yosei. They were all standing before a computer screen. "So, how what that?" Mikazuki asked.

"Entertaining, or so says those spying," replied the computer screen.

"So, Writer, do I get—?"

The text "and Mikazuki got his Wing-Master 5000" appeared on the screen. There was a poof of smoke, and the jet pack appeared on Mikazuki's back.

"And us?" Larxene asked irritably.

"I don't know," Writer replied on the IM. "You all might not be worth it..."

"We are!" Demyx insisted.

"Fine," the Writer replied.

Text scrolled across the screen quickly, and large envelopes appeared. They opened them and were happy to receive their paychecks.**3**

Yosei crossed her arms. "What was the point of all this?" she inquired, annoyed with the bribery.

"..." appeared on the screen, and then, "Fanfiction?"**4**

"Now to crash the party!" Axel and Marluxia agreed. Black portals appeared and they dived through.

"Not again!" Riku cried.

"Not you!" Sora cried, pointing at Mikazuki. "Go away!"

All the same, the party went sort of as planned, with Heartless-shaped Piñatas and other stuff, and they lived happily ever after... at least until New Years.

* * *

"NO!!!!!!!!!!" Sora and Riku groaned, kicking Writer.

"We are _**SO**_ not doing this other fic!" Sora shouted at the computer.

Kairi sighed, "We all know you aren't going to do another, Writer."

Riku shook his head. "You don't even have ideas for a New Years parody."  
Writer's screen flashed a few times, as if blinking innocently.**5** "But I have until New Years..."  
"Look how long it took you to finish a Christmas one," Kairi pointed out.

"..." appeared on the screen. "Fine, you win." Another IM box appeared, this one saying _to fans_. "As you can see, Sora, Riku, and Kairi refuse to do a New Years fanfic. I apologize for their stinginess when it comes to acting and—"

Riku rolled his eyes. "You know, you can torture the Organization somehow."

A huge exclamation appeared on the screen. "You're right!" The _to fans_ box blinked. "Change of plans, people. I might write a New Years fic if I can force the Organization to be main characters!"

Rockets appeared at the base of the computer and it launched into the air, disappearing in a flash.

Sora, Riku, and Kairi glanced at each other, and grinned. "Finally!"

* * *

**1. **Never trust Wakka with anything. He's an idiot who failed English. 

**2. **What would a Christmas fic be without Santa? XD

**3. **Chapter 1, Demyx said they were getting paid for this.

**4. **Lol

**5. **Lol, I'm a computer.

Well, that's the end of _Bah Humbug!_ I hope you all liked it! Later peoples!


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